I still remember how the rays of the sun falling on the window panes, the chirping of the pigeons on the window still, the chants from a distant temple woke me up every morning. This place was my heaven on earth, a place where I did not have to worry about my tomorrows, a place where I gladly spent my holidays. This was indeed my secret escape spot, an escape from the busy city life in Bangalore.
I remember how she always used to be there, standing at the door, waiting for us (her grand kids) to come home. As soon as we entered the house, she would go to the kitchen and get us all the biscuits and sweets which she had obviously stacked ahead, from the day she knew we would be coming home. I remember her orange flavored Tank (juice) which she used to prepare for us, with the right amount of sugar, ice and tank powder .She was always happy when her grandchildren visited her and stayed with her for a few days.
It was in Feb 2018,
when suddenly, this beautiful world of mine came to an end. We received a call
at around 12 PM and the news that I dreaded the most, that she was no more...
All of a sudden, the chirping of the birds, the chants from the distance, the place made no sense anymore. I found no meaning in going back to that place again. The place, the sounds, nothing made sense to me without her. Only then did I realize that it was never about the house or the birds or the sounds, it had and was always about her...but I realized it a little too late and she was gone..Gone before I told her what she meant to me .Gone before I was ready to leave her.
I remember meeting my Aunt during my grandma's funeral..(My Aunt lived abroad)...Embarrassed to admit it,but it had been at least 10 years since we met each other.We used to meet when we were younger, but as we grew up we became BUSY..Ashamed to say it, but my grandmother's funeral was a reason for us to meet after such a long time...I remember talking to her and how we made plans to take efforts in meeting in the future and staying in touch...But little did I know that life had other plans for us...Little did I know that it was the last time I would meet her. A month later, she was diagnosed with leukemia and after bravely fighting with cancer for a month..she was gone...
When I suddenly lost two important people in my life, it cost me something. I felt an empty feeling...like someone took something away from me and the worst part was I was not ready for it....I felt unfair because life did not give me the chance of making our plans into reality but it was too late and I did not use the time that was given to me either. It took me to lose them to understand how much they meant to me.
As I pondered about it
later, I realized that the problem was not that I did not love them ..the problem
was,I wished that I had told them how much I loved them and how much even their
presence meant to me when they were there.I sometimes wish that I had hugged my
grand mom and told her how much I loved her or how much she meant to me...I
sometimes wish
I had made the efforts to meet my aunt more often so I at least would have had the good memories with her...that If I knew there was a time limit to this I would never have taken them for granted but life does not give us the deadline beforehand so I assumed they would be there in my tomorrows too hence I never felt the necessity.
It might be the same with many of us.We sometimes take our loved ones for granted only because we are so certain that they will be there tomorrow too.We sometimes don't feel it is necessary to spend time to talk to our friends or relatives and tell them how much we love them just because we are busy...busy preparing for our exams,busy with our work , busy completing our episodes in a series in Netflix,busy completing our levels in PUBG,too busy that we don't have time to sit down and ask them if they are alright or if they need some help, too busy that we forget to tell them that they are loved.
As I am growing up,I am realizing that ,only the moment what we have now, is ours. Our tomorrows are never in our hands but does that mean that we should live in fear about our future.No, what I mean to say is we should take hold of our today's,these moments,the only thing we can be sure of and use them..Use them to tell the people around us that we love them and make them feel that they are loved. Let us not end up making the mistake that I made but rather act up now because the truth is Time is ticking.
At a time like this,
where our future is even more uncertain, let us not waste it on unimportant things
rather let this blog be a reminder...a reminder to pick up our phones and call
or text those people and ask them how they are doing or just patiently listen
to what they have to say... tell them that you love them...maybe not because
they deserve it but because you know that they are worth it...and because they
matter to you.
